Forget John Lewis’ penguin, a new seasonal madness has gripped the nation – well, the nation’s health food bloggers at least. Wherever you turn, you are earnestly called to sprinkle your porridge with wheatgrass, add turmeric to your tea and slather your face with coconut oil. Advent is a feast of supplements, a sort of religious devotion to external and internal perfection, presented as your only hope of hanging up your Christmas stocking muffin-top free.

At this juncture, it is interesting to look at the ingredients in Asda’s Rich Fruit Mince Pies (12.5p per pie) – a mouth-watering mixture to be washed down with cheap sparkling wine at many a Christmas party …

Sugar, Apple, Glucose Syrup, Currants, Sultanas, Raisins, Glucose-fructose Syrup, Vegetable Oil, Orange Peel, Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil, Preservatives (Acetic Acid, Sodium Metabisulphite, Potassium Sorbate, Sulphur Dioxide), Malt Extract (From Barley), Lemon Peel, Invert Sugar Syrup, Apricot, Mixed Spice, Sugar Syrup, Dextrose, Citric Acid, Gelling Agent (Pectin), Acidity Regulator (Sodium Citrates), Natural Flavouring, Wheat Flour, Vegetable Oil, Glucose Syrup, Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil, Sugar, Dextrose, Salt, Raising Agents (Diphosphates, Sodium Bicarbonate), Preservative (Potassium Sorbate).

This is not about Asda-bashing; any supermarket mince-pie ingredient list would do. This is about showing you where we stand: between lavishly cheap bad food and the extortionate promise of eternal beauty. I don’t feel happy with either, do you?

Is our appetite for junk so insatiable that we will chain ourselves to any buffet table regardless of what’s on it? Are we so ignorant of our bodies’ needs that protein energy balls and little green pills are our only salvation? I cannot and will not believe it. What of a middle way equally effective in ensuring your jeans still fit when you return to work on January 2nd?

Against the backdrop of Northern Europe’s bleak December, mid-winter feasting has been around for thousands of years; cold, wind-whipped bodies long for hot, hearty food and plenty of it. With outdoor games being less appealing, there’s no wonder we light the candles and snuggle up in front of roaring fires. There was a time when Advent was for preparation and only the few short days of Christmas for celebration. We cannot return to then and we cannot be too bah humbug about December’s many wonderful party invitations, but all of this could serve as a useful premise.

What may feel like culinary indulgence – cream, butter, nuts, dried fruit – is part of a very natural and traditional way of keeping ourselves hardy and resilient and happy through the physical strains of winter. Eating and celebrating more than in other seasons is nothing to chastise ourselves about –  what a waste of sentiment if we do. Overpriced green pills the next day are equally pointless.

But in our world of plenty where not all treats are created equal, there is an art to this indulgence. We must learn which treats will lift our spirits and tantalise our tastebuds, which will leave us feeling happy and healthy and which will induce only lethargy and bad temper. Where is the real pleasure in glucose syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil after all?

A list of exactly what you should and shouldn’t consume is no more use to you than a cheap mince pie. My small ambition here is that you cultivate your own judgement of what will please you on each specific occasion. So instead ten simple questions you might ask yourself at any party when the time seems right.

1. Am I hungry?
2. Does the food in front of me look appetising? (Or is it all beige?)
3. What are the two main ingredients in this object I am about to eat?
4. Does that thought please me?
5. Will I have a hangover if I drink this next glass of wine / beer / spirits?
6. Have I eaten any fresh vegetables or fruit today?
7. Have I done anything that counts as exercise in the last 48 hours (brisk walking, cycling, a run, the gym)?
8. Am I going to this party for pleasure or out of obligation?
9. Would it make more sense to go home now and cook myself some simple plain food instead?
10. Am I still enjoying myself?

And there you have it: from rave to rant in one short week. Perhaps I need more spirulana in my diet to modulate my moods. Perhaps not.